<div id="subtitle">What if women's magazines could chat with their readers?</div><div><p><h1>Girl Talk</h1> <p>What if women's magazines could chat with their readers? </p> <p>By Sarah Fones,  September 3, 2008</p> My conversation with women’s magazines began at age seven, when I discovered <em>Teen Beat</em>. As I grew older, my tastes changed: I read <em>Sassy</em> in middle school and <em>Vogue</em> in high school. But my favorite features were always the quizzes – multiple-choice questions about fashion sense or boys or personality type, the kinds my girlfriends and I took together, picking a, b or c in our heads because erasing the pencil marks never quite worked.<br /><br />Today these quizzes are online – Generation Z doesn’t do print, pencils, or erasers. The questions, however, are much the same. They are tallied automatically for instantaneous results, so it seems appropriate to render the conversations they imply between magazine and reader in instant message format. Here’s my take on these exchanges, based on personal experience.<br /><br /><em>CosmoGirl!: Hey there! What flavor lip gloss are you?</em><br />dreamingisfree: Hmmm…believe it or not, I never even thought about it!<br /><em>CosmoGirl!: Well, CosmoGirl! wants to know! Take our quiz and find out about the real you.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Ok. I’ll take your little quiz.<br /><br />(Two minutes, 37 seconds later)<br /><br />dreamingisfree: What? I’m “Vanilla Swirl?!” A Bonne Bell LipLite?<br /><em>CosmoGirl!: Yes, according to our quiz you’re a “classic girl who knows what she likes and doesn’t feel pressure to experiment or try new things.”</em><br />dreamingisfree: Translation: I’m boring. That’s sooo not me. There’s a reason for that “retake this quiz” button! I’m gonna do it one more time and prove that I’m one of those Dior Addict lip glosses. Bright red. Or at the very least something matte.<br /><em>CosmoGirl!: Our tests are pretty accurate you know.</em><br />dreamingisfree: They can’t be! I’m 26. I’ve never been vanilla!<br /><em>CosmoGirl!: You’re really 26? Why on earth are you taking this quiz? You’re not part of our demographic. Wait. Have you ever read </em>Cosmopolitan<em>, our magazine for girls in their 20s? I mean women, duh</em>!<br />dreamingisfree: Oh please. Maybe when I’ve been at the dentist’s office and nobody was there to see me!<br /><em>CosmoGirl!: That’s too bad. We think you’d like it. You like lip gloss, right? And sex?</em><br /><br />**********<br /><em>Teen Vogue: Do you watch The Hills?</em><br />dreamingisfree: Well, remember that first season, when Lauren gets in her BMW convertible and leaves Laguna to go live in L.A. and go to fashion school? Yeah, that was kind of a low point in my life. I was watching a lot of television and I kind of got into those reality shows…So yes, I’ve seen The Hills. But I totally don’t watch it anymore. I’m super busy. And happier.<br /><em>Teen Vogue: Right…So, do you think that you’re like any of the girls on the show?</em><br />dreamingisfree: No.<br /><em>Teen Vogue: Why don’t you take our </em>Teen Vogue<em> poll: Who From The Hills Are You?</em><br />dreamingisfree: “Poll?” So “quiz” isn’t good enough for you guys?<br /><em>Teen Vogue: Poll sounds better.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Ok, I took the “poll.” But I’m confused. I’m supposed to be Audrina. Who is she again?<br /><em>Teen Vogue: She’s the brunette.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Oh. Wait, here’s what it says: “Forget the drama—it's not for you. With your sweet personality and fun–loving nature, nothing is getting in the way of your good time.” Does that mean I’m boring?<br /><em>Teen Vogue: Um…no. Audrina’s the dumb one.</em><br />dreamingisfree: But aren’t they all supposed to be dumb?<br /><em>Teen Vogue: Audrina especially.</em><br /><br />**********<br />dreamingisfree: Huh, Carrie Underwood’s on the cover…I kinda like that one song of hers, “Before He Cheats”…<br /><em>Seventeen: OMG! I luv Carrie Underwood 2! And that song is soo awesome! I hate it when guys cheat!</em><br />dreamingisfree: Yeah, it sucks.<br /><em>Seventeen: I think we could be BFFs.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Oh really?<br /><em>Seventeen: Yes! Tots. You like Carrie Underwood and so do I and it looks like u read Seventeen 2!</em><br />dreamingisfree: No, actually I was just noticing—<br /><em>Seventeen: Take this quiz w/ me. Pleeze? It’ll be FUN I promise, promise. Better than doing my math homework!</em><br />dreamingisfree: Math is hard.<br /><em>Seventeen: LOL!! I know, rite!!??</em><br /><br />(The results are in…)<br /><br /><em>Seventeen: U r a SNEAKER!</em><br />dreamingisfree: Aaaagghh! No! No, I am not a sneaker! I may be a “girl on the go,” but that doesn’t preclude decent footwear.<br /><em>Seventeen: What does “preclude” mean again? So u don’t think that’s ur “Shoe Personality?”</em><br />dreamingisfree: Maybe because I said that I’d rather see my face on the back of a book cover than splashed across the tabloids? Or because I prefer Law & Order reruns to America’s Next Top Model?<br /><em>Seventeen: I luv Tyra!</em><br />dreamingisfree: I don’t.<br /><em>Seventeen: Maybe ur boring!</em><br /><br />**********<br />dreamingisfree: YM? Wow, I didn’t even know you guys were still around!<br /><em>YM: Uh, yeah…it’s kind of complicated. We’re only available online. Now we’re owned by Condé Nast.</em><br />dreamingisfree: I see…<br /><em>YM: Whatever. It’s not a big deal. Everyone’s online anyway! The internet is totally where it’s at.</em><br />dreamingisfree: How very 1999 of you. Dang…YM. So, do you ever feel like you’re not cool anymore? Or like, no longer relevant?<br /><em>YM: Why are you being so mean? Is it your crush? Your BFF? Was somebody really awful to you today in class? Did you fail a test or something?</em><br />dreamingisfree: No, I don’t take tests anymore. Except for the quizzes you guys have. Or should I say “polls?”<br /><em>YM: Teen Vogue is kind of snobby like that. So why are you feeling bad again?</em><br />dreamingisfree: Well, every quiz I’ve taken says the same thing: I’m lame! Either mildly retarded like that girl from The Hills or straight up BORING!<br /><em>YM: You mean Heidi?</em><br />dreamingisfree: I guess she’s a little slow too.<br /><em>YM: Take a YM quiz. I bet you’ll feel better afterwards.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Ok.<br /><br />(Not feeling better actually)<br /><br />dreamingisfree: Hello? YM? You lied! I’m “casual and comfortable?” That’s the message I send with my style? But I make an effort! I always try! “Casual and comfortable” sounds like an old sweatshirt. Or yoga pants. I don’t wear that in public…normally.<br /><em>YM: Whoa chica. Calm down. There’s nothing wrong with being caz sometimes.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Shut up! What do you know about personal style anyway? How old are you? 18?<br /><em>YM: 36.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Oh. Sorry.<br /><br />**********<br /><br />dreamingisfree: Ok, what’ve you got for me?<br /><em>ELLEgirl: What?</em><br />dreamingisfree: I need to take another quiz! Look ELLEgirl! I’m all about using exclamation points now!<br /><em>ELLEgirl: Cool! What do you wanna know about yourself?</em><br />dreamingisfree: Just tell me what quizzes are popular!<br /><em>ELLEgirl: Sure… How about “Who’s your Celeb Summer Crush?”</em><br />dreamingisfree: But aren’t the guys featured like, all under 20 or something?<br /><em>ELLEgirl: Yeah I think so. How old are you? Wait… You like older guys, don’t you! Me too!</em><br />dreamingisfree: I’m not a pedophile. How ‘bout something else?!<br /><em>ELLEgirl: Ok, what about “What’s Your Dream Summer Job?”</em><br />dreamingisfree: I work full-time.<br /><em>ELLEgirl: Whoa. Your parents are chill with that?</em><br />dreamingisfree: Yeah, believe it or not!<br /><em>ELLEgirl: I know: what about “Who Is Your Gossip Girl Boyfriend?” Please don’t tell me you don’t watch the show!</em><br />dreamingisfree: YES! Awesome.<br /><br />(who will it be…)<br /><br /><em>ELLEgirl: “Witty and liberal, Dan Humphrey stays away from the judgmental Upper East Side by living in Brooklyn…”</em><br />dreamingisfree: Well of course it would be Dan! Nate’s a wuss and a pretty boy and frankly there’s something off about Chuck—like beyond the all-around skeeviness, ya know?<br /><em>ELLEgirl: I kinda agree about Chuck. But how can you not think Nate is sooo hot?!</em><br />dreamingisfree: Ugghh. Boring! At least Dan speaks!<br /><em>ELLEgirl: Whatev. I’ve gotta run.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Where are you going?<br /><em>ELLEgirl: I’ve got a TON of work to do.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Yeah me too.<br /><em>ELLEgirl: Cool. Lates.</em><br />dreamingisfree: Lates!<br /><br />dreamingisfree signed off at 12:42:14 PM</p><img src="http://admatch-syndication.mochila.com/images/ad.gif?aid=38549448&bid=informcom" /></div><div id="copyright"><div>

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